Blaberring, Life

Fear, Truth, Courage and Lies

This last October was one of the most unique months of my life, from resolutions, disappointments, new adventures, lost adventures and the beginning and end of some parts of my life.

First of all, i lost opportunities due to fear that paralyzed me,  I missed the opportunity to go to London, and ended up stuck in Portugal for a year, both to work and to manage the money I need to pursue my studies in London. But at the same time I’ve tried to take the most of it, I’ve landed in an Internship in marketing, where I do a bit of everything, from social media managing to copyrighting.

But I think that October was the month when i finally managed to understand the importance of truth, because finally in 23 years of life I was lied to, and discovered the lie, and this could be nothing, but it was the cherry on top of a lie filled cake, the person that I was seeing, lied, cheated and ended up trading me, I was wronged many times in the past, but this time it was worse, but in the end, i understood that I don’t need people like that in my life. And in the end, she was nothing more then a lesson, not the most painless one, but a lesson, a big one.

So once more I’m in a crossroad, but unlike most crossroads that I’ve been in, I don’t feel lost, I might feel tired, wronged, hurt, but I’m lost no more. The road becomes cleared and cleared each day. It’s  hard and bumpy one, and my mood lately does not help at all, but I fell that the path is set, I can’t wait for the next crossroad, the steaks are high, and the challenge is big. But still.

And as always there is a song that makes me go fourth, a beam of hope,

“On the edges of the sharpest knives
In the middle of the darkest nights
Always knew that I would find you here
In a puddle of the bravest tears I’ve seen enough to know it’s lonely where you are
Above the crowd
Feet dangling from a rooftop (a rooftop)
She waits from ledges for a voice to talk her downAnd nothing matters but the pain when you’re alone
The never-ending nights when you’re awake
When you’re praying that tomorrow it’s okay

There will be a time to crack another smile
Maybe not today or for awhile
But we’re holding on to laugh again some day
To laugh again some day

All that matters is the time we had
Doesn’t matter how it all went bad
Never wonder what it might be like
Shut the door, say goodbye

When faced with tragedy
We come alive or come undone

So don’t hold back, let it shape you like an ocean
Even the deepest scars in time will fade

Nothing matters but the pain when you’re alone
Never-ending nights when you’re awake
When you’re praying that tomorrow it’s okay
There will be a time to crack another smile
Maybe not today or for awhile
But we’re holding on to laugh again some day
Yeah, we’re holding on to laugh again some day

And sometimes you have to go back
To know just where you have been
But we’re old enough to know that
What has been, will be again and again

And the bravest of faces
Are the ones where we fake it
In the roles that we play

Nothing matters when the pain is all but gone
When you are finally awake
Despite the overwhelming odds, tomorrow came

And when they see you crack a smile
And you decide to stay a while
You’ll be ready then, to laugh again

Nothing matters but the pain
(We are tragedy, yeah, we are sympathy)
Nothing matters but the pain
You see what you want to see

Nothing matters but the pain
(We are misery, and distant memories)
Nothing matters but the pain
We all learned to laugh again
Yeah, we all learned to laugh again
We all learned to laugh again”

Once more my favorite band (Rise Against) comes and grabs me, and off course the restless help of my family of friends, makes this journey a lot easier.

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