Letting all out

Today I write with no filter, I write raw, I write because i can I write because I am.

I am flawed

I am Human

I am longing 

I am lonely 

I do have the support from some of my friends and the sympathy of others. Yet I feel cold (it helps that the temperature here averages -1 Celsius). Am I destined to be alone? Yeah one of this kind of posts. Just something today got me thinking. I might have friends all over the globe. That much is true but…. How come the more people I come to know the less o open myself. 

I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to live in several places. And in each my social ability seems to decrease. I feel the urge to be with others but I can’t move myself to actually do it. Something just blocks my actions. Even when deafening silence screams in the halls my mouth is unable to socialize. I can’t bring myself to let anything useful out. Now put me in a crowd and ask me to present anything and I’ll talk till I have nothing to say. Now put me in a social context and good luck getting anything by a lame joke or a awkward sentence our.

I seem to manage to avoid mistakes of the past just to have new mistakes.

Where’s my limit? Where is my drive? Where’s all the energy I once had inside? Where’s my spirit? Where’s my pride?

I need a guiding hand I need a push I need a hug. I need myself. 
Tom signing off


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