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How come we can get addicted to negative feelings or emotions? That sad walloping of guilt when you get caught doing something you shouldn’t or could not. That all-consuming pity, where you victimise yourself for all the evil of earth or simply that burning anger and rage, misguided with fake beliefs of superiority? WHy is that?
Why do we allow ourselves to this? Could we really have that little part in every one of u that revels in our misery, our sadistic self? the same one that unprovoked makes you kill someone in your mind.
Or could it be like our favourite vices?
Like a bottle, it sourness turn frowns into smiles, smiles into numbness…and we are no longer in charge. We are just in bliss, until we are not, so we get back up, we swallow that pasty feel in our mouth, and we do it all again because our numbness shall be our new diety. We are finally free, free from worries, Captain Morgan is now the commander of our ship, followed by his first mate Jack Of Daniels. With them at the helm we are Superman, we can take mountains, we can go up, we can look, up, we can grow, up, until, invariably the rush dies, until, we throw. And from a place where you had high spirits, where problems were destined, a storm starts brewing. And numbness turns into something else. Like many who followed the celebrated pirate, we became rowdy, we became pirates blinded by misconceptions and rage.
Could it be like the smoke we inhale, that sweet release? That sweet ember near our lips, that roughness that smoothness that before, could only be galloping in deserts. But with a strike, and we have a match, with that lucky strike we are now cool. Now we can relax, we can enjoy life. Even our meals taste better, at least that’s what we believe. That is until we can no longer really taste and that sweetness turns into tanginess, and smokeless we are lifeless. And smokeless we are incomplete. So we make exceptions, we make rules, and allow the fog to rise, allow it to surround us if anything it’s atmospheric. But our colourfull surrounding fade, we allow our world to grey out, to fade, and surrounded with sadness we allow our Wings to be cut, we end up allowing sadness to settle, as we deny to drink from any elixyir that could bring us back.
Or is it any other escapism? When we take hazy ride through paths of supposed enlightenment when we embrace Amnenisa as forget that there is a world outside of us. When we find nothing but peace in Blue Dreams. BUt dreams are, or can be unsettling, so we shield ourselves, we deny ourselves from walking, from thinking, as we develop permafrost, as we allow our fears to dominate us, never letting us pass.
Or are we just denying ourselves the ability to feel happiness, because we simply got to used to our vices and emotions? Why do change and happiness cause us so much stress? How is the embrace of happiness such a difficult road? Children do it effortlessly. Smile, move on, forgive, forget. How can be more child like? Or is it that the point of being an adult.

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